paper soul

I found my old zines and poems today, circa 1995. This is one poem that I had forgotten I had written.

I think the beauty of a scar is that it's a wound that has healed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since I was a child
i set in my mind
that one day I would climb trees with him
his partner and his best friend
and we would not be
separated by that great divide...
It would be real.

And you told me the story
of how you walked away and
you wanted him to fight for you
to fight for me
but he just let us go
and I have heard your pain
muffled under the words you spoke to me
so calmly and frankly
and it became so clear
like looking in a mirror...

did we both let fear
a terror beyond
what we could ever explain...
did we let it make us run
and turn our backs
on the world that we had
...because we had the world...

how could two who are so sensitive
who hold such wild dreams
be so blind to all
that is in front of us

mother, i can not hold it against you
we both carry inside a deep regret
for i too
let the love of my life
slip out of my hands...

My new obsession: Morkie Puppies

How could anyone resist this precious face?!

My new favorite song: Nothing

Pedro The Lion: Nothing

If only the rules were
built upon philosophy that I embraced
I'd hug your neck and kiss your face,
but it's very obvious
that your ideals are not for me.
You'll tell me what to do
but you will see that I do as I please.

Cause I want to
do it my way,
and I want to fly,
I want to
do it my way,
cause I want to fly.

The problem with rules is
they alienate the criminals
when whose to say
if what they did was wrong that day.
If you'd open your mind up
you'd see that there is nothing
that's always wrong.
No matter what you say,
it's just not true that
there's only one way.

Cause I want to
do it my way,
cause I want to fly,
I want to
do it my way,
and I want to fly.

I hope we have ourselves
an understanding.
I hope we have ourselves
an understanding.
I hope we have ourselves
an understanding.

Drunk guys are dumb

So last night I met my friend Courtney for a quick drink in Newport Beach. (I felt a little guilty since my BFF Rachel was having a dinner party I had to pass on due to the travel time and babysitting cost...) But a cocktail? I was sitting on my bed shredding old bills when Court sent the text around 7 p.m. Couldn't pass it up.

So we met at Gulfstream (Rach's old restaurant - and I'm sorry to say the service sucked - they need you). I hadn't even reached the front door before this drunk dude started hitting on me. He was amusing at first, but it quickly crossed over to obnoxious. In a sober state, he seemed like he may be a cool, sincere (though not at all my type) guy. But drunk, he was just an idiot.

Guys, if you're in your 30s (or a 35-year-old MBA student, as this guy was), why on earth would you think smart, professional women would be interested in a dude acting like a frat boy? Seriously. We're old enough and smart enough to know not to be impressed by that.

I speak for myself, and my girlfriends, that women want a guy we can carry on a good conversation with. Sparks are important, of course, but we want a level playing field, not some guy falling and fawning all over us. So, take note: we're not impressed by your excessive compliments or flattery - or outlandish drunken behavior. If you want to meet us, stay sober and show a little maturity. Or go out with your guy friends and spend the evening hitting on 20-somethings, or whores. But leave us quality girls alone.